Mom, I can't talk, I'm all over the place
16 March 2024
Installation with sculpture, photographs taken on film and soundtrack with vocals.
She was a nearsighted girl with insomnia. Her hands were always distant and cold, but she tried to reach for anything that interested her. At night she listened to tapes of lullabies from children's operas and watched her friend sitting in a chair. They spent time together in silence. He watches her sleep and keeps her clothes that she has only had time to wear in one day. Scary and sweet, he guards her sleep, and only his silhouette is visible in the twilight. But it was all her - and watching her dream from the outside.
There is a dotted line between you and me, between my head and my favorite pillow. It keeps us from merging and losing ourselves, but it leaves us alone. Sometimes that line is erased by a hug or we paint over the gaps.
Now she's four years old, and she can't sleep again. There are inspirational conversations coming from the kitchen that I really want to join in on. The cassette tape of lullabies has been re-played many times. When she gets bored, she goes to the kitchen with a pitiful face and begs for warm milk. Mom is upset that her daughter is awake again, and she is happy to catch at least a little bit of enthusiastic argument. Back in her room, she hides under a heavy blanket and loses her legs and then her arms. Strongly shrinks in size and becomes smaller than her doll. Then she grows to the size of an eight-story house.
Can personal boundaries be notarized to bite the leg of everyone who crosses the threshold? But there are no boundaries, only dotted lines. And I'm a good and kind person. Then they'll say that I left deep bites and need to make amends. But, as they say, boundaries are in our heads, and they end where we were bitten. And you can somehow do without scars. We can negotiate on the beach and explain our needs. That's ridiculous! But at least we have humor. This elusive spy. He marks where his neighbor's boundary is, and then avoids punishment under the phrase "it's just a joke." So you get a space with boundaries that seem to be there and seem not to be there. It is a community of cells that share food with each other and sometimes swallow someone whole. Humor is aggression in a joke wrapper. Written in pencil, to be circled with a pen or erased.